that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Bring me that man meat
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
