i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
