I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
