brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
