guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
