He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
third nipple confirmed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
