Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
