First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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