The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
