do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
