she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
