i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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