omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
