I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
