grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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