You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
