you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
