My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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