I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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