Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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