just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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