Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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