Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
