he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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