it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
