my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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