it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
