i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
