we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
