i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
