I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
