who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
