We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
