How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
