You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
