Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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