im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
