Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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