I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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