never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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