just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
