College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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