Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
