My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it because I queefed?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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