you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's rum buckets o'clock
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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