So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
