i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
