Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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