I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
