She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
