Soap is not a condiment
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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