wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
