I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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